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Dear Santa...

Your child's letter to Santa probably falls under one of the following categories.

• The Modest Request

  
  Submitted by: Chris
  Submitter Chris says that this was dictated by his almost-three-year-old son.

• The List Maker

  
  Submitted by: Minteer01
  Number five is a bit of heart-breaker.

• The Overly Specific

  
  Submitted by: Unknown
  Leave NO room for error!

• The Threatener

  
  Submitted by: Unknown
  Even the PONY looks angry.

• The Disappointed Rage

  
  Submitted by: Unknown
  Um...this child might just need some alone time right now.

• The Polite Inquisition

  
  Submitted by: Unknown
  "How much do you weigh?" ...So not a completely polite inquisition.

• The Open Invitation

  
  Submitted by: beernbiccies
  Everybody likes to feel welcome.

• The "Never Grow Up"

  
  Submitted by: Unknown (via _MorganFreeman_)

I Don't Think She's Talking About Blowing Noses

Here's Why Santa is the Most Awkward Mythical Man Ever

Seriously, who thought a fat, bearded man who flies around in a sleigh and carries a big bag of who-knows-what was a good idea?

• Santa shouldn't have quit his day job.

  

• He's always watching.

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• Even when he's wasted.

  
  Submitted by: Barbara

• Okay, maybe he's not watching ALL the time...

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• He can be an emotional drunk.

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• And he should stay off of Facebook.

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• He also plays favorites.

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• And kids shouldn't follow his example.

  

• Or else they'll grow to look like this.

  
  Submitted by: Iora Glass

• Or this.

  

• Or this.

  

• Santa also enjoys taxidermy.

  
  Submitted by: Unknown (via Reddit)
  Or as I like to call it, "creative reindeer recycling."

• Sometimes he can fly a bit too low.

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• "Kid... you're making me real nervous."

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• "I just... I dunno man. Like, what's the point of being so jolly all the time?"

  
  Submitted by: Unknown (via Reddit)
  Emo Santa has a sad.

• A big, warm pile of Christmas!

  
  Submitted by: xyzpdq1

• "RUDOLPH, GUIDE MY SLEIGH TONIGHT, DAMMIT!"

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• "Santa's got some unpaid parking tickets for his sleigh..."

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• Somebody was extra naughty this year.

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• "I'm not even crying. We've passed that point on the terror scale."

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• The spiked eggnog isn't the only thing Santa's hit too hard...

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• Santa's feeling EXTRA jolly!

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• But no matter how jolly he's feeling, keep your hands off his beard.

  
  Submitted by: Unknown

• OR ELSE!

  
  Submitted by: Unknown (via The Spartan Warrior)

• But he's still no match for Stone Cold Steve Austin.

  
  Submitted by: Unknown (via Old School Wrestling)